Recession hits global terrorist networks 'harder than anticipated'

It is currently unknown whether the international terrorist group - who sell a range of clothing and costumes (including the infamous My First Suicide Bomber) and their popular pick-and-mix interpretations of the Qur'an - are in immediate danger of liquidation into splinter groups, as led to the creation of Wellworths this year.

Plans for the group to form a high-street presence were first mooted 20 years ago, but while imitation terrorist cells have made inroads into our towns, al-Qaeda has remained an exclusive brand reserved for considerably higher-profile locations. Today's recent news casts doubt on any hope of the group's expansion.